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I personally feel very compelled to be in the closet, almost entirely because of our children and for the safety of our professional careers.There are eight kids in our house, and we live in an extremely conservative town in a very Republican part of the South.We laughingly still can’t believe we had the guts to even try this in the first place! If we didn’t think the two families had the ability to blend well together, we never would have done it in the first place, because we feel very strongly about our kids and want the best for them. We were excited that we all loved each other, but it was easy to feel insecure. ” If he saw us being affectionate, he might worry, “Oh, no! They are going to hit it off and decide they don’t need me!If I saw them being super affectionate, I might worry, “Oh, no! ”That was what we would worry about, but it wasn’t ever actually true, as we would discover when we would share our fears with each other.Both of us were raised to not even be aware that was a possibility. She was the one who began the conversation about, “What if . I realized I had feelings for her (and for him), all feelings that were completely buried (since it was impossible to love either them like that, right? It was very important to us that every single person was on the exact same page, or there was no way we were doing anything. We really tried to look at this from a number of different angles, including the potential problems we could have, and kept feeling okay about taking another step forward.Long story short, the three of us began doing more and more things together and it just . Every step forward just felt so right on so many different levels, and doors kept opening up right and left.(A woman wrote to share with me that, in all ways but legally, she is equally married to both a man and a woman.I asked my new acquaintance if she would be willing to let me interview her about that.
I was supporting four children with very little support, but managing. We all felt very excited when we realized that we were in love and that we all wanted the same thing (a long-term committed relationship as three).
It was later that we discovered there was a term for what we were.
If we need a term, we consider ourselves “poly-fidelitous,” which is what poly’s call those who love more than one person in a long-term, faithful kind of way.
There were numerous points where we would look at each other and say, “It’s so weird, but if I was still a fundamentalist Christian, I would say that God is blessing us…”We took very small and careful steps forward, hesitantly, every inch of the way being shocked at how nice, how perfect, how healthy, how “just right” it always felt. Fun, in that it was a new relationship, so it was exciting, but totally exhausting.
Our fears about each next step were always replaced by fearfully taking it and then finding it delightful. The minute we bought our big house together, we all breathed a collective sigh of relief. That takes time, but we parent in very similar ways, and the children and teens already were very close, so it all meshed together well, too. ” If she saw us being affectionate, she might say, “Oh, no!
We learned that if I am deeply in love with him, it strengthens and supports my loving relationship with her (and her relationship with him, too), and so on.