Trapped in the closet 1-22 online dating Denmark sex
I don’t promise to agree with you, but I promise to try to engage your ideas thoughtfully, whether you’re a man, woman, child, AI-bot, or unusually-bright keyboard-pecking chicken.Indeed, I spend a nontrivial fraction of my life doing exactly that (well, not so much with chickens). I believe no one has the right to anyone else’s sexual affections.Those differences, and my advice for shy nerdy females, will be the subject of another post.
It’s also why the tragedy of Alan Turing, of his court-ordered chemical castration and subsequent suicide, was one of the formative influences of my life. I believe that “the problem of the nerdy heterosexual male” is surely one of the worst social problems today that you can’t even acknowledge as being a problem—the more so, if you weight the problems by how likely academics like me are to know the sufferers and to feel a personal stake in helping them. I believe that, just as there are shy, nerdy men, there are also shy, nerdy women, who likewise suffer from feeling unwanted, sexually invisible, or ashamed to express their desires.Here, of course, these twitterers (and redditors and facebookers) inadvertently helped not understand the sort of paralyzing fear that I endured as a teenager, that millions of other nerds endure, and that I tried to explain in the comment—the fear that civilized people will condemn you as soon as they find out who you really are (even if the truth seems far from uncommonly bad), that your only escape is to hide or lie? Throughout the past two weeks, I’ve been getting regular emails from shy nerds who thanked me profusely for sharing as I did, for giving them hope for their own lives, and for articulating a life-crushing problem that anyone who’s spent a day among STEM nerds knows perfectly well, but that no one acknowledges in polite company.I owe the writers of those emails more than they owe me, since they’re the ones who convinced me that on balance, I did the right thing.After reflecting on the many thoughtful comments here, there are two concessions that I’m now willing to make.The first concession is that, as Laurie Penny maintained, my problems weren’t caused by feminism, but rather by the Patriarchy.
Not after they understand how I clung to those ideals through a decade when I wanted to die.